Friday, September 3, 2010

On Tuesday, I go back to work.

I have no idea how six weeks passed so quickly!! It's insane. I want to badly to stay home with Baby D, but it's just not possible right now. It makes me sick to think about other people taking care of her. Thinking about how they don't know what makes her stop crying. Thinking about her being confused, wondering where mommy and daddy are and why they've left her! Ugh, I'm going to cry just thinking about it. Again. I've cried a lot about it.

She has a hard time taking a bottle, because I've been breast feeding her this entire time. She won't even take a pacifier, hasn't since we left the hospital. She hates plastic in her mouth! So anytime we try to give her a bottle, she makes an awful face and spits it out, even though it's filled with breast milk. She wants it from the source! I know she'll have a hard time taking it at day care. Everyone has said "Oh, if she's hungry, she'll eat!" Then why doesn't she eat now? No matter how hungry she is she won't take the bottle, she'll just scream and cry until her ol' pal the boob comes along. So what makes it different just because she'll be in day care? Nothing. So she'll scream and cry and be hungry and wonder why mom has abandoned her and left her starving. This is what goes through my mind!

It's absolutely heart breaking, in fact I just had to stop and cry about it.

I wish we were like France and got a year off for maternity leave instead of just 6 weeks. Actually they told me I go back on Tuesday which is only 5 weeks 6 days, but whatever.

I actually went to work today to make copies and never got around to doing it because I took the baby with me and everyone wanted to see her :) I loved showing her off. I wish she could just come to work with me every day! It will be nice to get out of the house and have adult interaction, but it's hard leaving your baby. I never knew it until I had her.

My students seem nice, but that doesn't mean they will be. I hope they stay that way, and don't revolt when I change the way the sub has been doing things, which is completely different from the way I do things. We'll see...